The Artist's Way Seems Like My Kind of Way

Hey, it' s been a good long while! I have been pretty busy with academic things but though I haven't been creating plenty, an artist's mind is never at rest! Certainly, this period of time that I've been gone, I have done a lot of thinking, experimenting and of course, having fun! To be more specific, I have embarked on a good long 12 week journey that has just come to an end: The Artist's Way. Now, this is not some silly name that I've come up with just to be fancy, it's an actual book and a highly highly highly highly recommend all artists to read it. Or (for the people who don't see yourself as a true artist until you sell a good couple of paintings, I've been there) anyone who wants to be an artist really. It is somewhat a guide or handbook to walk the spiritual path to creativity, or more like, rediscovering the creativity you've unknowingly left behind in your childhood days.

Having diligently read every single word of the book from cover to cover (yes, I am that kind of reader) I find myself an entirely new person - a new creator. I'm not afraid of my art anymore. I'm still hesitant in trying new things I might be horrible at, but I'm ready to make bad art now. The joy of creating lies in making a mess of things and learning that it's okay to be horrible at some stuff. Maybe you'll improve, maybe you won't, but who's perfect? It doesn't hurt to try, and the funniest mistakes are always the ones you made and can find the courage to laugh over. Art doesn't have to be this massive big thing that is perfect and only for the best, most skilled artist to pursue and create. That's not true at all. We all start somewhere and we will always be new at something. Learning that I can make bad art and be a good artist is a lovely revelation to make.

I've felt too busy to pick up the pencil or paintbrush these past months and perhaps too scared that my creative sprint over my June break has finally come to pass. Perhaps, I was too afraid that creativity and the will to create was a one time thing, a magical spell that will soon be over and used up, like a shooting star that disappears forever once it blinks out of your sight. Perhaps then, I was too busy struggling to cling to the last glittering tail of my inspiration to realise that the magic has always been inside me. My ideas, my inspiration, my creation, they are mine and always will be. In some ways, now, I like to think that everything I would like to create already exists. If I can dream it up, even the possibility of it happening, somewhere, it exists. All I have to do is bring it to life for the people who can't see it. Artists are communicators, we don't magic things out of thin air, we wipe away the mist in the glass, polish away the rust, brush away the dust. We merely reveal what is already there, and in a way, that is a comforting thought. Don't you think it's a lovely idea that every blank piece of paper is an art piece in disguise? We must simply peer at it the right way, at the right angle, carve around it in colour and lines, pull away the white veil to reveal the secret it has been harbouring all along. Sometimes, I feel like I understand what Michelangelo meant when he said, "I saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." If you look just right at an unfinished painting, sometimes, layers of its potential shines through.

It is said that procrastination is a form of fear, the fear of imperfection, the fear of not being enough, the fear of disappointing others, the fear of disappointing yourself. If you don't draw, you will never draw anything bad. But could there ever possibly be something so wonderful, it's worth doing badly? Can something be awful and yet strikingly lovely all at the same time? Is it not the heart behind it that counts? Is it right to say that any work of art is truly inherently bad? I used to think so. My portraits were hideous, unproportionate monsters. My sense of anatomy stinks so bad, it ranks to heaven. How stiff my figures are, how dull my compositions compared to the stunning images in my mind. Sometimes, I can never even really say what is so bad about my work, but just looking at it makes me want to shred it up and call it a failure, remove it from existence forever. But it's ridiculous. Everyone makes ugly art. Some things are so ugly, they are beautiful, for the heart of the creator shines through. Why not try, just try to purposely make bad art? Maybe that will make all the difference. If we never success in perfection, something must be wrong with us, so maybe if we try perfecting hideousness, we will fail at it too. Wouldn't that be something?

I've been taking tiny steps to attempt to be a failure at something. I've been trying to disgrace myself, embarrass myself and horrify myself. Thus far, it hasn't been working XD here, I have (summed up no small amount of courage to) put up some horrifyingly embarrassing self portraits. This then would be an activity of self-confidence. After all, if you can laugh at yourself, you can go through anything in life. Of course, as you can probably see, it's all in good fun. In fact, the very purpose of this activity was to have fun, really enjoy myself in the process of drawing and taking silly reference pictures. Capturing my essence more so than the right lines and facial features. It may not look like me very much, but it must feel like me, and isn't that the point of art? Feeling.

Clearly, some look better than others. Some are downright ridiculous, but you know what, I've have fun messing with these sketches, so ultimately, I think I'm happy enough with them to put them up for the whole world to see. I'm not perfect, the final piece of work is not perfect, but the creating this art felt right. Plus, isn't it a good laugh? (My embarrassment and ego is at stake here, please proceed to kindly laugh at my expense) Truth be told, none of these turned out as bad as I hoped they would. I'm actually quite proud of some of them and if you knew me, you'd probably recognise me in some of these sketches. There are good ones and there are bad ones, that's just how it goes * shrugs * I'm good with that now. That's just how art is. That's just how I am. As you can see, the end product doesn't matter that much to me any more (I swear the crease was an accident though, but too late now...) but you see, how often do you get to make a fool of yourself for fun? I mean, for art's sake XD

Letting go of my expectations, my standards and my really really harsh personal imaginary critic helped me enjoy the process of creating that much more. I'm excited to create now, make something silly even - if it makes just one person laugh, wouldn't it be worth it? If it makes me laugh, wouldn't that make my creation inherently "good"? Creating shouldn't be a painful process or a personal competition to one-up myself. I chose to create art because I like it, because I enjoy it. And I better dang well enjoy it if I'm going to spend my time on it right?! See? Logic holds. Of course, in the few months that have passed, I have explored other things too. I shall admit, fear and good-to-honest, genuine busy-ness has kept me from creating as much as I would have liked, but in this time, I've had plenty of time to "fill my well" of creativity and inspiration to draw from as the lovely author, Julia Cameron, says. I've begun a little notebook filled with all the creative things that come to mind everyday: quotes that pique my curiosity, colours and shapes that gets my mind jumping, random ideas that occurred to me in the middle of my walk to school. These are all pieces of magic coming to me and I've been holding on tight to them. When my time is a little looser, I intend to come back and explore them all. To start with, just yesterday, I've had the luxury of time to pull out the big guns and take a dive into the deep end for a little while.

This piece here has been on my mind for almost a full month before it was brought into existence. Two obnoxiously blinding highlighters, one hour of my time and a couple of references courtesy Pexels and Unsplash. I dove in straight, no sketch no nothing. Just blocks of colour where I see them and honestly, it was kinda refreshing. It felt a little like I was using a different muscle to draw than I normally would. No lines and borders, just sculpting in the details as I go. Obviously, this led to some composition and proportion problems, and the details in some places aren't clear at all, but I finally discovered the truth in saying that having a couple of detailed spots tricks the eye into believing everything else is equally detailed. As a whole, the bold contrasts and blocks of vague colour does come together nicely and the more I stare at it, the more I like it. It didn't turn out to be such a disaster in the end! Note to self: draw more highlighter horses. Oh, and buy another hot pink highlighter (I burnt my current one on this page ._.)

I hereby present now The Picture Of The Pursed Lips, as a wonderful friend of mine has affectionately tagged this painting. This page of my sketchbook officially embodies all me awe and annoyance at myself as an artist :) Again, I approached this with very very loose watercolours, in blocks of colour layered patiently one over the other and no underlying sketch. (Clearly, I am trying to practise something here okay?) And while I'm really proud of how the contrast and general proportions came out at the end, Critical Me still can't help but poke at all the places I've gone wrong. For example, the Pouty Lips Effect. Still haven't figured out why it keeps happening and how to fix it, but I guess there's just a lot of lip drawing to come * shrugs * I must say though, painting this felt like I wasn't getting anywhere and I kept telling myself, "Don't freak out at the not-blendedness right now, it's okay, it'll come together in the end, don't think about it!!!" and magically, when I finallyyyy proclaimed myself done with the painting (in both senses) and watched the timelapse of everything actually coming together, I realised that in hindsight, all the original blobs of colour weren't actually that random after all. It did look like I knew what I was doing (I didn't) but I was so wowed by that, I moved on to the second piece on the right and decided to be a little more adventurous with the colours. Overall, it was a pretty good portrait and colur study. I should do more portraits some day too. Best part, the paint DIDN'T bleed through the paper, the paper didn't warp AND the contrast is !!!! I rarely ever get down my contrast so well on the first try so I'm really really happy with how it's coming along!! Okay, I need to calm down XD

So, I think this is as long as it gets, I've been sitting here typing this for awhile. Until next time!! (Which wouldn't be too long I hope)

Cuix :)

P.S. cool news! I've finally revived my Instagram account @lacuixart

Good things are coming our way.

Keep dreaming!! <3